In an effort to free Brazilian heterosexuals from discrimination, hate and violence, the city council of Sao Paolo has approved a law creating “Heterosexual Pride Day.” If the mayor approves it too, the holiday will be celebrated on the third Sunday of each December.
If you’re thinking “holy sh*t that’s funny/stupid,” you’re probably gay and have no idea how much hate the world has against straight people. Just yesterday I went to the hospital for a routine checkup and all the doctors said “we don’t take kindly to your type ’round here.” After I left I realized that might have been because I have no health insurance and no money, but that’s not the point. The point is they hate heterosexuals with a passion. I feel so oppressed right now.
But let’s get back to Sao Paolo and its heterosexual pride parade. As you can imagine, it angered some a lot of people. The Brazilian LGBT Association criticized the legislation saying a ” celebration of heterosexual pride is inappropriate because it belittles the just cause of the LGBT community.” Which is understandable since everyone knows the LGBT community wants to keep all the fun stuff for itself (I kid, I kid).
But the more pressing issue here is what kind of floats and costumes would a hetero parade have? Because people wearing sweaters and driving Volkswagens doesn’t feel celebratory at all. Or maybe they’ll make it all fancy and special by having a completely straight line for the parade route.
On a serious note though, I think the heterosexual pride day is a great idea. Sure, straight people aren’t oppressed in any way, but since when is that a requirement for having a pride parade? Why can’t people be proud for being part of the white heterosexual middle class? I mean, gay pride parades promote equality, but equality goes both ways. You can’t preach equality at your parade and then be mad when others want a parade too.
