Immediately after learning that the EU will not give Greece any bailout money unless it accepts a harsh austerity program, the Greek prime minister told EU leaders to “forget it, we’ll solve this on our own by switching to a new currency.”

The new currency, affectionately called the Zeuro (coin pictured below), will be used by the Greek government to pay its state workers and pensions next month.

George Papandreou, Greece’s prime minister, expressed his confidence in the power of this currency switch by promising to give every single Greek a one-time payment of 40.000 Zeuros, as an apology for the government’s recent screw-ups. “I believe this will have a positive outcome. Our Zeuro funds are virtually unlimited so this is a solid plan that will undoubtedly get us out of this crisis situation.”

via telegraph

These past few days have been on fire in terms of celebrity/entertainment news.

First there was Kim Kardashian’s divorce after just 72 days of marriage. Not very unexpected or of particular importance, but everyone seemed to obsess about it for a couple of days.

After that, the spotlight was placed on Julian Assange, the 40-year-old Australian hacker who founded Wikileaks. Two judges at London’s High Court have decided that a previous ruling calling for his extradition to Sweden must be upheld, meaning the whistleblower could face trial in Sweden in as little as 14 days — unless his lawyers manage to appeal his case at the Supreme Court.

But then news of a sex scandal involving Justin Bieber broke out, and oh boy, this could get huge and mute everything else. And I don’t mean huge in terms of importance, but huge in terms of “everyone will be talking about it.”

In case you haven’t heard about it yet, a 20-year-old California woman by the name of Mariah Yeater claims that she and Justin Bieber had sex backstage at the Staples Center and that the singer left her pregnant with Tristyn Anthony Markhouse Yeater, who is now 3 months old.

The woman recently filed a paternity lawsuit asking for a paternity test and financial support.

Here’s how the Mariah, pictured below, described her encounter to the court:

“After walking away from the other people backstage, Justin Bieber found a place where we could be alone — a bathroom.

 

We went inside and immediately his personality changed drastically. He began touching me and repeatedly said he wanted to f*ck the sh*t out of me. At the time I asked him to put a condom for protection, but he insisted that he did not want to.

 

In his own words, he said that because it was his first time he wanted to feel everything.

 

Justin then “quickly took off my clothes,” she said — and the pair had sex.

 

He was on top of me with my legs around him. At the time I was on top of some type of shelf. The sexual intercourse itself was brief, lasting only approximately 30 seconds.”

The sex was consensual, but according to California Penal Code Section 261.5(b), sex between anyone over 18 and a minor under 18 is always considered “statutory rape” because the minor cannot legally consent to it. So if the mother wins her case in court she gets a misdemeanor as a bonus.

As for what Justin Bieber’s alleged baby looks like, here he is.

If the woman’s story will prove to be true, Bieber will have lost both his virginity and his career in those 30 seconds of fun. If she’s lying, however, Mariah will probably be lynched by a mob of angry preteen girls.

Christians are flocking to Ontario, Canada, to witness what many are calling a modern miracle. The face of Jesus Christ clearly visible in an ultrasound done on the left testicle of a 45-year-old man.

One believer who made the pilgrimage had this to say: “God is speaking to us through this man’s balls. He’s telling us that his son will be coming soon. As a Christian, I am very excited!”

Also excited about the discovery was the man’s wife, Angelica, a devout Christian. She was worried that her twenty years of marital blowjobs would condemn her to an eternity in hell, but the news that she was in fact kissing Jesus Christ made her feel an immense sense of relief.

via telegraph

OK, so I don’t know whether she was updating her Facebook relationship status or ordering pizza, but I love how the scene happened right as the minister was saying:

“By the high standard of love…”

According to an announcement made by Dead Island Records on AmyWinehouse.com, December 5th will mark the release of the singer’s third album, which will be called “Lioness: Hidden Treasures.”

The 12 track collection features previously unreleased tracks, alternate versions of existing classics as well as a couple of brand new Amy compositions, and has been compiled by long-time musical partners Salaam Remi and Mark Ronson in close association with Amy’s family, management and record label Island Records. “Lioness : Hidden Treasures” proves a fitting tribute to the artist, the talent and the woman and serves as a reminder of Amy’s extraordinary powers as a songwriter, a singer and an interpreter of classics.

Update: Anonymous have cancelled the operation. “Destroying #OpCartel because the lives of people who are not participating can be put at risk.”

So apparently the Zetas (Mexico’s second most powerful drug cartel) kidnapped an Anonymous member (internet’s toughest guys) who was taking part in a street protest in Veracruz. Being the badasses they are, Anonymous didn’t take kindly to this and issued a warning to the crime syndicate, informing them that they’ve “made a huge mistake by taking one of us.”

In the threat video demanding the release of their fellow nerd, a man wearing classic Anonymous attire says:

“We cannot defend ourselves with a weapon … but we can do this with their cars, homes, bars, brothels and everything else in their possession. It won’t be difficult; we all know who they are and where they are located.

 

We demand his release.”

The group’s threat is that it will publish the identities and addresses of the syndicate’s associates, from corrupt police to taxi drivers, as well as reveal the syndicates’ businesses.

This sounds great the first time you hear it, but it’s actually the stupidest thing ever. I mean, sure, competing cartels would love to tear the Zetas apart and take control of their market, but the names of a few easily replaceable people aren’t going to make that happen. The only thing achieved through a weak information leak would be getting a lot of people killed, which is just another day at the office for the Zetas.

If Anonymous really wanted to make the Zetas take them seriously, they should have threatened to recruit Charlie Sheen to use up all the drugs in Mexico. Now that would have been a problem for the cartels, given that they need drugs to survive.

English language transcript of Anonymous’ message after the jump.