“”Did you sleep well?” “No, I made a couple of mistakes“”
— Stephen Wright
You should know that communication is an essential part of any interpersonal human relationship (and that includes couples). Good communication that is, not bad communication.
In the process of communication, we ask questions all the time. It is a natural curiosity and a requirement when we want to find out more about the other person. But most of the questions we ask are not always relevant, or at least not the most relevant, if our aim is to develop a truly healthy relationship with our loved one. And not only that, but very often we stop asking questions as soon as we familiarize ourselves with the one next to us, without really knowing the thoughts, feelings, interests and desires he or she has.
Knowing more about your partner creates a relationship that is less likely to result in a break-up or a divorce. Some estimations saying that at least 75% of the divorces would not take place if the couples asked each other the right questions, at the right time.
So here are 11 questions that I consider to be highly important for couples (both married and not). Notice that they go beyond small talk and simple conversation.
- 1. What intellectual or cultural interests do you have, such as music, drama, literature, painting, or history? (not hobbies)
- 2. What feeling or feelings do you have the most difficulty expressing?
- 3. If you suddenly became blind, how would your idea of the perfect mate change?
- 4. Name at least three things of which you are most proud in your life.
- 5. Do you need to hear “I love you” or similar words on a regular basis from your partner? Why?
- 6. What are you most ashamed of?
- 7. Do you have any regrets in your life so far?
- 8. Is there something that I do sexually that you enjoy and want me to do more often?
- 9. If your partner had an affair, how would you react? Could you forgive him or her?
- 10. Do you think you would prefer a calm, loving, consistent relationship or one full of excitement, wild times and rocky patches?
- 11. What influences your decisions more — logic or emotions?
Now of course there are a whole lot more questions to ask if you really want to get close and know your partner, but you have to start somewhere. If you want to continue, one book that I have found useful is Michael Webb’s “1000 Questions for Couples,” which takes it all to the next level. It contains hundreds of the usual fun “getting to know you” questions but there are also the highly important questions that most people don’t even think of.
You can buy Webb’s book of 1000 questions from this page. I recommend it as it is different from all the other questions books out there in terms of quality (and a portion of the proceedings is donated to the Love One Another Foundation).
Comments are open for opinions and more questions.
photograph by: Carlo Nicora
