WHATCHUKNOW about keyring charms? I know they’re decorative items that are sometimes useful for providing a better grip on your keys and for making a personal statement. I also know you’re a major asshole if you bought a novelty live fish and turtle keyring like the one pictured below.
Sold by Chinese street vendors at subway entrances and train stations, these 7cm sealed plastic pouches containing one Brazil turtle or two small kingfish are the cruelest form of vanity one could possibly engage in. And for some reason, they’re quite popular.
Business was looking good Tuesday afternoon as one fish and nine turtle rings sold within five minutes.
“I’ll hang it in my office, it looks nice and brings good luck, ”
an assholea man in his 30s said after buying a turtle key ring.“I bought one to free it. It looks so miserable,” a woman told the Global Times. (<- I love you)
The worst part about this monstrosity is that it’s perfectly legal to sell them as they fall outside of the law’s scope. Chinese law only protects wild animals, something which these small creatures clearly aren’t.
If I ever visit China, don’t let me catch you selling or wearing one of these or I’ll punch your lights out then put you in a bag and tie it to my keychain.
