Responding to an order by the Environmental Protection Agency to clean up the Chicago River, Chicago’s water boss said he can’t do that because taking the sewage out of the river might make people want to swim and (gasp!) drown. Oh the humanity!

Applying the same logic to air pollution, that’s for our own good too! Without it we’d spend too much time outside and get sunburns, or maybe even skin cancer.

chicagotribune